I'm Crushing

I have a crush on someone. I know, I know; how high school is that huh? But I think it's kind of cute. Being an adult it's kind of funny saying that I do have a crush on someone. But here's the kicker: I've had a crush on him before, since like 7th grade. So that's roughly 7 years. Smh and I'm too freaking afraid to say something because he may not like me back. I know it's so juvenile but it's kinda thrilling lol. I don't think that makes sense but I think it's adorable. Makes me feel like a kid again.

Attraction

It's funny who you actually find yourself attracted to. Of course everyone has their so called"type" but sometimes it's the person that doesn't fit that criteria that you are the most attracted to. It's that person's ability to get you out of your box that gets you hooked. Another thing, why do people get attracted to people who are in relationships? Happy ones. Everyone has been there. When you're single it seems like no one looks your way but as soon as you find someone everybody from your past and new people come out of the wood work. It's the fact that someone has that bond with that person and is experiencing a side of them that you want to see. The fact that they aren't readily available when you want them is what draws you to someone in a relationship. Life is complicated yet entertaining to watch.

Do you like drugs?? Yep? Well not me..

I popped a Molly..got a lecture..Wooo!!! That shit sounds cool in the songs but it ain't. That lifestyle ain't for everybody. Everyone makes it seem like it's all a good time but it's a drug nonetheless. "Molly" is the purest form of X. A high like I've never experienced before. I felt like I was dancing on the moon...and then all hell broke loose. As soon as I inhaled this drug into my system I knew this was the biggest mistake of my life. And the fact that I left my friends and left with 3 people I didn't know to get makes me even angrier with myself. Needless to say when I returned to the kickback my boys were beyond pissed. When the girl pulled out 2 small blue baggies of a white powder I got scared but the alcohol and adrenaline told me to proceed. Big mistake. 1/2 gram of ecstacy is what I put into my body. That's the equivalent to 3 pills which I didn't know at the time and mixed with the alcohol that could have been my last night. Ever. Luckily my sister came to my aid when my friends alerted her to what I was doing. People keep asking me why didn't the people
I was with stop me and I gotta pick people that I know are going to look out to hang with and that's when I have to take defense. I'm the type of person that's gonna do whatever I please and at that point all they could do was make sure no one touched while I took my trip and when someone tried they almost did them in. And then sat up all night to watch over me while I took a trip and then tried to sleep. When I awoke I had no recollection of the night before. Come to find out I had sex with a friend of mine. Smh. I was mortified and felt like dying. Sure the feeling of euphoria was nice but it wasn't worth losing a friend and people thinking less of me. It's an unbelievable high followed by a worse low. It's not worth and it's crazy dangerous. Don't follow in these stars footsteps and feed into these lyrics. That's not life. Life is too short and precious to put things in your body that were made in someones kitchen. I don't care what the occasion is I'm never taking anything stronger than a shot of José.

If I Have My Way

AS this song blares through my speakers, it just makes me wonder why I bother.  Everyone has that one person that changes their life and then just walks away. Why do things like this happen? I am utterly head over heels in love but it seems like I'm in it alone. There is no doubt he loves me but I think I love too hard. Is that even possible? Can you love someone to the point that you push them away? I don't want tip smother the person I love but at the same time I want to love him the way I want to love him. Am I selfish? If it were up to me we would spend every moment together. Maybe that's a little much. See that's me loving too hard again. But the are no rules in love right??? This whole thing is a ball of confusion. Maybe I'm not cut for this. Maybe we aren't but it's so hard to throw so much time and history away. I'm tired of crying but at the same time I want to hold on. This game, this"GOODBYE GAME" is getting old. I thinks it's time for me make a big girl decision. I gotta live for me.