I'm still here..

I'm back!!! Kinda redundant to say that since I'm the only one who reads this..haven't been here in almost and so many things have changed..things have changed in work, love and in life in general. Through all of this I'm still standing though..$$$..let's start there, with the money..I was unemployed for the better part of a year. Definitely not something I was used to..since I got my first job I worked my ass off for everything I wanted..I was used to having money at my disposal, so being broke was something new to me..it really hurt that I couldn't help my mom with bills and she never asked for anything and actually bought me a car..but a year later I have 3 jobs and things are looking up..even though I'm sleeping on my sisters couch it will be moving into a new place in January or February hopefully..the reason I'm here is because I ran into a little legal trouble and caught a DUI charge..it's not something I'm proud of but I have to deal with the consequences of my actions but trust I've learned my lesson..So what's next?? Oh yea 😍😍 my love life..it's nonexistent 😞..my love and I have been broken up for almost a year..it hurts but I'm trying to move on everyday..it wasn't an ugly break up, we just grew apart..we still loved each other but we were falling out of love so we split..shortly after that I learned that he had a new girlfriend..I don't think I had ever felt more defeated than in that moment..but I had to accept that he was moving forward and I should do the same but it hasn't been as easy for me..3 guys..no actually 4, that I gave my time and attention to and was thrown away everytime..I'm so over it..I'm just ready to focus on me..there is this one guy that a really like but everything is standing in the way of us being together..I honestly don't think we will ever be..I don't have faith in this whole situation..it's wrong but I just want to feel wanted again and I'm not talking in a sexual manner. I want to feel wanted as a woman..mind, body and soul..but this thing is so wrong but so beautiful..it's wrong...he's married. I've always told myself I would never be they "other woman" but this man makes me feel some type of way..he keeps telling me that we'll be together soon and that his wife is leaving..but I know she's not..as much as I want to believe that she's leaving and he and I will be happy I know better..those are just promises to keep me around and it's working..I'm enamored with him but we will never be..he's married and she's pregnant..I will never come first..but with all that said and done..my life is still a big ball of confusion..life is funny..you find yourself in situations that you would never think you would be in..you try to stay in the right track but sometimes life gives you a detour..no one said it would be easy but I'm still standing..I'm still here 💋